Ever feel like you can’t make heads or tails of the therapeutic process? I can’t tell you how many times new clients have lamented about their prior experiences with therapy and sometimes, even having to do some therapy with them to undo the bad therapy. Some of the stories are truly horrifying. I’ve heard about therapists reading their emails in sessions, eating, falling asleep, socializing (or worse) with clients outside of therapy and even practicing without a license.
Navigating the world of therapy can be challenging so I thought I’d put a short list together of things to keep in mind as you’re searching:
Therapists typically offer a free, brief phone consult before scheduling a session for you. Take them up on their offer—it’s an opportunity to see if it’s a fit. Use the consult time to briefly share your goals for therapy, ask about fees and availability, and then ask them to explain how they would work towards meeting your goals.
You should learn at least 5 things from the call:
1. Trust: studies show that the trust and rapport you have with your therapist are the #1 reasons why you’ll keep coming back. Trust your instincts to know if at least initially, it feels like a fit.
2. Competence: your therapist should have at least one specialization (e.g. trauma, grief, couples, stress management, anxiety, LGBTQ) with appropriate training in the area(s) of focus. If they’ve got a specialization that meets your needs, a good question to ask is when they last went to a relevant training so you know how recent they’ve been investing in their own skills.
3. Reliability: notice if the therapist was responsive in scheduling time and showing up on time for the call. That’s important—your time is valuable and it may tell you if they do/don’t have healthy boundaries with their own time.
4. Integrity: You might also ask the therapist if they’ve ever been in therapy themselves. This is a big one for me. Do not get into therapy with someone who hasn’t done their own work. After all, they’ve got to tune their own piano before they start tuning yours, right? Unless one has done their own work, it’s is likely their issues will spill over into the energetic field of your sessions. Not good.
5. Verified: Be sure the therapist is licensed by the state in which you live. There are a number of people practicing “therapy” without a license and going into therapeutic territories where they’re working outside of their scope of practice (e.g. life coaches). In fact, you can look them up if you’re not sure. Every state handles licensing differently but in California, the Board of Behavioral Sciences manages the licensing for Marriage & Family Therapists, which is the most commonly held license for therapists in California.
Seeing a good therapist can be life-changing. Once you’ve chosen a good practitioner, know that the relationship is collaborative so if something isn’t working, talk to them about it so that you’re getting what you need.
Rebecca A. Ward, LMFT, SEP, PCC
Founder, the Iris Institute
Psychotherapy, Executive Coaching & Consulting